On the home, Daphne wears a Lililotte Nantes dress.
A friend recently told me: “When my son was born, I was a bit disoriented because he did not sleep much. “Ah, well is that it’s because your baby is hyperactive” told me one of the maternity childcare assistants. How many times have I later thought about that sentence? Whenever I ran after him to the park? Whenever, at a party, I found that all the children, except my son, remained still ?
When my daughter was only one month old, I took her to an osteopath who barely touched her and said “sure she will be stubborn.” How many times have I thought then, she was exactly like he said : “Anyway, you’re stubborn since you were born!”? These labels that I had heard since my children were born, have remained. Until what point ? “
Take it easy! We all, the school, friends or grand parents, put, volontarily or not, numerous labels on our children. We often hear: “This little girl is always so wise,” “he’s awkward,” “he’s a very shy,” “she’s lazy” etc. Of course, as parents, we try to not say that too loud but we have these ‘labels’ in our mind. But it would be wrong to think that kids don’t feel it! Our attitude towards them reflets our inner thoughts and directly influences their behavior and character. For example, the more we think our child is clumsy,t he more he will be locked in this role … and behave as such! This theory can be applied to both “negative” and “positive” labels. A little girl who often hears that she’s very wise, may not allow herself to do something that can break this image…
Each time I conduct a Faber and Mazlish workshop, I realize that the session on the labels assigned to children can be a bit painful for parents as they become aware of this impact on their children. And soon comes the question: how to break these labels we put on our children ?
The Faber and Mazlish approach proposes the following tips in How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids will Talk:
- First, look for opportunities to show that the label is wrong: take the example of this child who is said to be “awkward”. Whenever you’re in a situation where he could have be awkward, and that was not the case, highlight it!
- Place your child in situations that allow him to behave differently : everyone says he’s stunned ? Let him be in charge of bringing back the books to the library “without forgetting one “, rather than not entrust him and do this task for him! … Give him the opportunity to behave differently from what he’s used to!
- Make him hear you when you talk positively about him with someone else. Nothing better to inflate his confidence than hearing his mom or his dad speaking well of him!
- Give yourself the example of the behavior you want to teach him. You too are dizzy? Share with him your tips and tricks to help him fight against his flaw.
- And, my favourite tip is : be your kids’ treasure chest ! “She returned crying from school because she failed climbing? Be her good memories, remember her how much she impressed you last summer when she was climbing in the trees … I really like this last tip as it touches the very essence of our role as parents to take the time to help them grow.
So … let’s say good bye to these labels!
Emilie will meet you on Thursday for a selection of warm kids coats for winter 😉
Have a very god start into the week and good holidays for the ones who have some !